Eating Disorders Recovery Support--Recovery in Real Life (TM) 2008-05-09T17:04:45Z http://blog.edrsweb.org/atom.aspx Quick Blog Getting real about recovery tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-04-03:5be9f7be-5c63-48fe-9169-16fd6bbeb76e Leslie-M 2008-04-03T21:47:53Z 2008-04-03T21:24:00Z When I am asked about recovery from an eating disorder, I admit that it is often hard to explain.  For everyone, I do think that it can be different. 

1.  Some people may quit their behaviors and never look back.

2.  Others quit their behaviors and live each day longing for them, and in their mind, they struggle with the thought of returning to the old behaviors.

3.  There are still those that take multiple attempts before achieving a life free of their eating disorder.


Recovery is hard work, no matter from which illness one is attempting recovery.

There are no hierarchies.  One cannot say that is it harder to recover from one eating disorder than another.  Certainly if someone has more stressors or has been engaged in disordered behavior longer, it makes it more difficult, but not impossible.

So the real truth about recovery is that is DOES HAPPEN.
You have to want it, and you have to work hard for it.

Go at it with reckless abandon, the same way a toddler attempts to walk.  It falls, cries, mother comforts it, then it gets up and tries again.  A toddler never is afraid to try to walk again.

Having lapses should not make you give up your recovery attempt, just get up again, dust yourself off immediately, give yourself a hug, and try again.  Imagine yourself walking toward a wonderful new life...

Take care,
Leslie

http://www.edrsweb.org
]]> Getting better all the time... tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-03-02:fd6c46e5-4231-4e49-bce4-1823658dd963 Leslie-M 2008-04-03T21:50:26Z 2008-03-02T19:12:00Z
I talked to a friend who really supported me during the rough days of my eating disorder.  She saw me struggle, and it was her who supported me by having meals together, taking my 3am (literally) calls, and even met my shrink! (A hilarious story which even to this day I still cannot believe!)

So today she asked how I was, and initially it was a little annoying because I have been doing well for some time now, but it doesn't stop people from worrying.  But this time it was different. 

When I spoke of my life having a new focus and different interests, it FINALLY gave her a sense that maybe this thing could begin to be behind me.

The thing is, I didn't realize how much I had changed.  Sure, I had been saying to people that I was a changed person, but change does take time, and it is painfully slow. 

In my dreams, Rome can be built in a day...well at least you can fly there in a day...

The challenge will be to steer the course and just take it moment by moment.  Even if we wished, we couldn't go faster than that, and after all the time I've lost, I want to savor every moment from now on.

Best to you always,
Leslie


http://edrsweb.org
http://blog.edrsweb.org
]]> Eating Disorders NOS--Is it time to change the name of this diagnostic category? tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-02-08:513a197e-3c30-4bdc-8ff0-ef56e7b045bd Leslie-M 2008-02-10T00:29:59Z 2008-02-08T07:57:00Z
There was a recent study about the use of the diagnosis of ED NOS.

http://psychcentral.com/news/2008/02/07/expand-diagnostic-criteria-for-eating-disorders/1887.html

When the diagnosis was created, it appears that it was envisioned being used for people in recovery from either anorexia or bulimia, not for people whose first presentation didn't meet either criteria.

I'm certain that this has caused frustration for patients and clinicians alike. 

Trying to explain to family that you have an eating disorder, them asking, what you have, you replying, umm "Eating disorder NOS".

For clinicians, the label alone is not descriptive.  They have to have the patient describe which criteria of anorexia or bulimia are not fulfilled. 

People are then creating other terms such as exercise bulimia and orthorexia.  Binge eating disorder does actually appear in the DSM-IV, but as a diagnosis under Eating disorder NOS and research criteria are given for this.

My question to you...

1.  Were you given this diagnosis?
2.  How was it explained to you?
3.  Did you understand it?
4.  How did it make you feel?
5.  Do you feel the name should be changed?
6.  What name would you suggest?

]]> Eating Disorders in "Middle Aged Adults" tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-02-07:3587cc5c-29fa-4a14-9988-68433c0ea1eb Leslie-M 2008-02-07T21:26:00Z 2008-02-07T21:23:00Z I just read an article about people who are presenting for eating disorder treatment treatment in their 30s (as if that is old), 40s, etc.  Researchers seems surprised to learn that ED's exist beyond the 20s.  Why do you think this is?  I'm sure we all know people who are still active in their eating disorder and are "older."

I think I've actually heard professionals say in the past that they believed that people would "grow" out of their disorder, and imagine the shame when this does not "magically happen!

It is also only recently that there are more treatment is more accessible, with many inpatient and outpatient centers and clinics.  Despite this, cost may still deter some from presenting for care.

I am curious to know what people think on this one.

Leslie

]]> Setting Priorites--Taking Care of Self tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-02-05:b92559de-8203-48c3-a12a-c7c9f96cdcbc Leslie-M 2008-04-29T15:29:44Z 2008-02-05T01:42:00Z Recently I was in a situation where the for consecutive days the schedule was running behind and I did not get a chance to eat lunch until around 2:30pm.  Of course by this time, I was tired and grumpy and was having fantasies of going home.  But the schedule was overbooked in such a manner in such that as soon as one person was seen and staffed another was ready to be seen.

There is an implicit and some explicit lesson taught that those that can survive on very little are to be treasured.

And we amaze at this segment of the population...

How often have you heard someone brag about how little sleep they need? Or how long they stayed up?
How little food?
How many meals they skip? Or food groups?
How many miles they ran that morning (or total number of marathons)?

But this trend doesn't hold for all things.  Some people brag of their excesses...
How many intimate partners...
How many alcohol shots...
How many pairs of shoes or purses...


I can't pretend to understand rhyme or reason.
I do know that the other day there was actually a lull in the schedule and I thought it would be a great time to sit and enjoy lunch: until someone arrived. 

I was informed of this by a staffer so I said that I wanted to have lunch first.  The staffer responded, "I'LL GIVE YOU 10 MINUTES AND THEN TAKE THEM TO A ROOM."  I didn't even respond, but was livid!  

Our lifestyle is a product of our creation.  If we allow ourselves to becomes slaves to our schedules then we will remain just that.  I decided right then and there that I would take my time and calmly eat my lunch like a normal human being.  All day, we give advice to people that it seems like we don't have a clue of how to follow ourselves.  We tell people to walk during their noon hour, yet we keep staffing our clinic such that noon is always filled and we don't get breaks.  

I say Gimme a Break from the hypocrisy that exists. 

Best to you always
 

]]> Do you feel your health care professionals listen to you? tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-01-25:c6356d0f-0cb7-4dbd-b9be-e5cd2ce7b38f Leslie-M 2008-01-26T21:09:30Z 2008-01-25T21:38:00Z I had an experience at work where I was mixed about whether or not the treating physician adequately responded to a patient's concern.

The concern was over the cost of medication.  After the concern was expressed, the physician nodded and left the room.  I was a little stunned but unsure what to do.  I didn't want to step out of place, but I wasn't certain that the concern was addressed fully.  I did later offer some options, but then felt as if I was going behind that physician's back.

My dual role of having been a patient and now a provider of care makes me sensitive to these issues.  There is a wonderful book called "When Doctors Get Sick" and describes the humility that having had an illness will often bring.  Also providers should be required to watch "The Doctor," a 1991 film by William Hurt, which tells the story of an arrogant, cold physician who undergoes an emotional change after being diagnosed with throat cancer.

Can't we just all get along?

Attempting to follow the Golden Rule,
Leslie

http://www.edrsweb.org




]]> Favorite roller coasters and amusement parks tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-01-24:84805973-d10a-4983-97b0-38bad45a7c8d Leslie-M 2008-01-24T22:32:50Z 2008-01-24T22:24:00Z Okay, I don't feel like writing a serious blog today.  My day at work was way too stressful...I want to have fun! 

So...I was thinking of amusement parks from when I was younger.  Admittedly, I was a major scaredy cat and didn't ride a roller coaster until my friends made me when I was like 18! 

Okay, so here is my list of favorites in no particular order:

Space Mountain (first roller coaster, I was 12, Disney World)
Loch Ness Monster, Drachen Fire, Big Bad Wolf (Busch Gardens, Virginia)
Wild Thing (Valley Fair, Minnesota)
King Cobra (King's Island, Ohio--no longer functional)
Anaconda, Avalanche (King's Dominion, Virginia)

Now I have "grown up" and amusement parks are merely for the shows, bumper cars, shops, or water rides/slides.  Fun for me would be Epcot Center, MGM or Universal Studios.

Oh who am I kidding...I want to get out of this snowy weather and go to Aruba!

Take care, 
Leslie

http://edrsweb.org

]]> Wasted, food commercials and The Best Little Girl in the World--the role of "triggering material" tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-01-22:3de81b5e-d368-42cb-9cb6-17be20a5b3e8 Leslie-M 2008-01-23T20:56:58Z 2008-01-22T22:22:00Z There is an ongoing conversation about the role of triggering material in the form of books, recording artists, magazines, movies and the infamous after school specials (Do they even make those anymore?).  Now this even occurs in the form of websites!

Many people who have had eating disorders can cite which materials they used to help fuel their disorder.  So often, "the media" is blamed for much of this.  I don't doubt for one moment that this contributes, but when taken away from all of these things, I still had moments where the eating disordered thoughts were present.  The thoughts came from within and I looked for anything that I could to validate my negative cognitions.  Despite cutting the tags out of my clothes, staying off of the scale (okay, at least trying not to get on it), I could still be triggered by comparing myself to others (or to my previous measurements) in ways that are likely common to eating disordered individuals.

During the eating disorder, I even sought out triggering material to keep myself in the eating disordered mindset, or to try to tip myself into the disorder when I wasn't totally consumed by it.

I remember talking to a friend about it at the time.  We both agreed that "triggering material" did make us feel bad about ourselves, but being exposed to it alone didn't "drive" the eating disorder unless we were already heading down that all to familiar slippery slope.  


It is time to be honest with ourselves... 

WE SUPPORT THE MEDIA EVERYDAY THROUGH OUR CHOICES!

It is our choice to buy People magazine (Glamour, Vogue, Seventeen, or Marie Claire).  If we stop buying it, they will stop printing it.

Throw away those triggering books and magazines.  (If this is hard for you to do, ask yourself why...)

It is our choice to watch television. 

Admit it, the commercials are horrible. The Kaiser Family Foundation published in March 2007 that kids 8-12 years old averaged 21 food ads every day; 7,600 commercials each year!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17831211/ (MSNBC coverage of this story)
http://www.kff.org/entmedia/7537.cfm (Kaiser Family Foundation official report)

The FTC (Federal Trade Commission) released a statement in June 2007 taking the position that kids aged 2-11 are not in fact viewing more food ads than in previous years.  As a result Kaiser Family Foundation released the following statement. 
http://www.kff.org/entmedia/upload/7654.pdf

Who right?  Until the studies are completed, the jury is out. 

Eating disorders are not choices, but we can limit our exposure to potentially "triggering messages."  We also have a responsibility to report negative messages.  Participate in the National Eating Disorders Association--Media Watchdog Program.
http://nationaleatingdisorders.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=300



Take care of yourself,
Leslie

Learn more at http://www.edrsweb.org
]]> Recent study shows that family meals curb risk of future eating disordered behavior tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-01-21:30ce33b6-c471-471b-9fbf-862668a980fd Leslie-M 2008-01-22T00:05:04Z 2008-01-21T22:30:00Z In the January issue of Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine, researchers surveyed 2,516 adolescents at 31 Minnesota schools in 1999 and again in 2004.  They found that teens that ate five or more family meals in 1999 were less likely to report eating disordered behavior five years later.

Fascinating research.  I think that the authors of this study captured a cultural phenomenon that has been going on for some time...the denigration of the family meal.  With today's crazy schedules filled with soccer games, swim practice and piano lessons, meals are often held in the car or with family members missing.

During my own eating disorder, as many have done before me, I attempted to keep family meals to a minimum.  I had some excuse or reason not to be there and it became difficult to keep track of what (and when) I was eating.  Later, I grew to appreciate my family's openness (especially during holidays) to having friends and loved ones gather about the table to tell stories and laugh.  Those times could go on for what seemed like hours.  What I realized was important was NOT the food, but the bond between us.

To parents of children or adolescents I would certainly recommend to them that they make the effort to:
1.  Turn off the TV
2.  Prepare dinner together
3.  Sit down at the table, or floor or backyard (whatever)
4.  Eat dinner together
5.  Talk to one another about the events in your lives.

You know that you don't know anything about someone if it feels hard just to talk.  Ideally, members of a family won't have this struggle.  If it does happen, start slowly.  Admit that the awkwardness is there.  Just say, "I feel that we need to catch up...or tell me what is going on in your life."  This is the time to just be with your family.  This is NOT  the time to mention the dirty clothes under the bed, or the papers on the floor.  This is the time to show your love to your family. 

There will always be time to remind your kids to bring down their dirty clothes, but never enough times to express your love to them.

Best wishes to all,
Leslie

Visit our website at http://edrsweb.org today!]]> Building a life outside of the eating disorder tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-01-20:5c122bc9-49a8-4846-b584-6239072ac107 Leslie-M 2008-01-20T23:54:14Z 2008-01-20T21:18:00Z I recently wrote a post about the frustration of people not knowing that one can have an eating disorder and not be emaciated appearing.  (post appears below).  When I re-read the post, I realized that a key part of getting over the eating disorder is no longer identifying with it. 

I wish to make myself clear.  There is a difference between someone admitting that they have a problem with an eating disorder, and being upset that they no longer posess the eating disorder or an eating disordered look.

One of the scary things for me was that point at which I began to give up the disordered behaviors and now was faced with filling my time.  Before the eating disorder, I had a life filled with friends and hobbies.  Those things were lost.  Now I fight to get them back.

So I played online games, (I love scrabble and family feud!), I watched movies, jeopardy, law and order (thank you TNT, USA and BRAVO), read books (john grisham and james patterson) and STILL was left with extra time. 

So...I started my website and made attempts to try to help others.  Even now, I still realize that there are SO many things that I want to do with my life such as practice my french and spanish and now I am playing my flute again (even though I am certain that my neighbors probably are really annoyed when I play into the higher registers!).

I also recently made my first turkey this past thanksgiving (it was great and I have pictures) and my first meatloaf (it sucked and I threw it away!--can't be good at everything!)

The point is, correct people for their ignorance, then move on.  Make certain that your identity is not solely that of a eating disorder sufferer/survivor but of a movie/history buff, bookworm, linguist, flautist, and chef.  Okay, I'm never going to be Emeril LaGasse, but a girl can dream!

Kicking it up a notch,
Leslie

I welcome responses at leslie@edrsweb.org or visit http://edrsweb.org


(Prior Post)

Gosh, you don't look like you have an eating disorder...

Have you heard this before?

I have to admit that I am having difficulty with being patient with people who hold the misconception that someone cannot have an eating disorder unless they are emaciated.  More often in our distorted society, the image of emaciated models is so prevalent, that it becomes difficult to look and someone and know who actually meets weight criteria for anorexia nervosa because of our desensitization to below normal weight models.

Let's keep facts in mind.  There are more people with bulimia and binge eating disorder than with anorexia nervosa.  It is possible to meet criteria for these disorders and exist on multiple places in the weight spectrum from normal weight to severely obese.

Telling someone that they don't look like they have an eating disorder is one of the most damaging things that one can say.  First, it does not validate someone's attempt to be honest about their struggle and what is happening with them, and I had actually known people who upon hearing this makes them want to lose more weight in order to achieve the "proper look" of an eating disordered person.

Similarly, someone recovering from anorexia nervosa may no longer meet weight criteria for their illness, but still struggle with cognitions to the point that if they were told that they didn't look eating disordered, would make attempts to resume their previous state.

In the end, it has to come down to us, those who have suffered, to correct misconceptions, and the sufferers to be prepared for the ignorance of others and not allow this to deter them from their goal of recovery.]]> Eating Disorders in Minorities tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-01-16:6a6fdf28-945a-46ac-ba66-7745e34d148e Leslie-M 2008-01-16T23:31:12Z 2008-01-16T22:59:00Z There is more literature being published about increasing rates of ethnic minorities (African Americans, Hispanic Americans, Asian Americans and Native Americans) developing eating disorders which have classically been thought to affect mainly Caucasian Americans.

If there are any people of color who are suffering/have suffered from eating disorders, we would like to hear your story.  There is power in numbers.  Our current medical system lacks knowledge of eating disorders in minority communities.

I am an African American woman who suffered with bulimia and during the entire time knew of no other minorities with an eating disorder. (and kept getting a message from society that eating disorders don't happen to minorities!--very invalidating). So please tell your story so that we can become visible.

Please feel free to check out my website at http://edrsweb.org or email at leslie@edrsweb.org. 

Best to you always,

Leslie

]]> I'm not perfect... tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-01-15:23ab491c-abe8-48f5-8a2c-60fbfaa6a14f Leslie-M 2008-01-15T06:40:52Z 2008-01-15T06:35:00Z There..I said it.  While it may not seem like earth shattering news to anyone, especially those people who know me it always seems strange to hear myself say "I'm not perfect."  Even though I don't live the lifestyle of an eating disordered person anymore, every now and then I still surprise myself with thinking that is irrational.  I know "perfectly" well that no one is "perfect," but still why is it that I persist in trying to attain this?  UGH!!  Admitting there is a delight when you do something and it works right the first time, or you were able to find your way to a new place, or nothing went wrong a certain day does that define perfect?  I try to tell myself that perfect is a baby's smile, perfect is the sunrise or sunset over the ocean, perfect is that look of love that a groom has for his bride as he lifts the veil, perfect is the elderly couple that you see day by day walking the block holding hands...these are closer to how this word should be used (if ever!)

That said, I will end my attempt to write the perfect post, but I invite you to visit my website at http://edrsweb.org

]]> You got me feeling emotions... tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-01-11:07476e06-56cd-4312-984f-afbb0d9bb2fe Leslie-M 2008-01-11T00:26:23Z 2008-01-11T00:09:00Z Know that Mariah Carey song?  I used to love it when I was younger. (yes, there are in fact many Mariah Carey fans out there.  She sold a lot of records, you know...but I digress)

I am always amazed when I still occasionally have trouble expressing strong emotions.  I spoken with others who are recovered and they express often having a similar difficulty.

I think that part of the eating disorder is the suppression of emotions as a coping device.  We have learned coping mechanisms for when eating disordered thoughts occur.  It wasn't until I had someone suggest to me that I ought to try just staying in the moment and letting myself feel the emotion, that I realized that there is some discomfort with that initially.  Realizing that the eating disorder often served to distract myself from my emotions, I am surprised that alternate forms of distraction are taught as coping mechanisms. 

Perhaps this is useful in early recovery, but as one progresses, I think it is important to attempt to actually allow ourselves to have an emotion without doing anything about it, except stay in the moment and feel it.  Learn that it WILL eventually pass. (Though God knows it seems to take a long time for this to occur initially!)

Afterwards, that sense of accomplishment is often present and you will gain the knowledge that having emotions is a perfectly normal thing.  Not expressing or feeling them is NOT normal.  Learning that you do not have to binge, purge, restrict, exercise or engage in other eating disordered behavior to distract yourself is vital.  But learning that you do not always have to take a bath, or walk, or turn on the tv is key to learning to self soothe.  While these things are great, and I personally believe that the bubble bath was one of God's many gifts to womankind, if you always have to use it and cannot allow yourself to "feel" there is a problem.  Perhaps then the bubble bath should be a reward for having felt intense emotions, and not having acted upon them.

Hmmm, just a thought...]]> But you don't look like you have an eating disorder... tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-01-08:538bede7-9465-4ada-ba83-890aecf69b5f Leslie-M 2008-01-11T00:08:29Z 2008-01-08T21:56:00Z Gosh, you don't look like you have an eating disorder...

Have you heard this before?

I have to admit that I am having difficulty with being patient with people who hold the misconception that someone cannot have an eating disorder unless they are emaciated.  More often in our distorted society, the image of emaciated models is so prevalent, that it becomes difficult to look and someone and know who actually meets weight criteria for anorexia nervosa because of our desensitization to below normal weight models.

Let's keep facts in mind.  There are more people with bulimia and binge eating disorder than with anorexia nervosa.  It is possible to meet criteria for these disorders and exist on multiple places in the weight spectrum from normal weight to severely obese.

Telling someone that they don't look like they have an eating disorder is one of the most damaging things that one can say.  First, it does not validate someone's attempt to be honest about their struggle and what is happening with them, and I had actually known people who upon hearing this makes them want to lose more weight in order to achieve the "proper look" of an eating disordered person.

Similarly, someone recovering from anorexia nervosa may no longer meet weight criteria for their illness, but still struggle with cognitions to the point that if they were told that they didn't look eating disordered, would make attempts to resume their previous state.

In the end, it has to come down to us, those who have suffered, to correct misconceptions, and the sufferers to be prepared for the ignorance of others and not allow this to deter them from their goal of recovery.]]> New Year, same me... tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2008-01-01:8edb2944-be2c-466a-9b46-9c37616e044c Leslie-M 2008-01-01T22:57:24Z 2008-01-01T22:23:00Z At the turn of every year, we make resolutions that are supposed to evoke some dramatic change in our lives.  Last year I decided not to make resolutions at all.  Sort of a protest to this whole notion that we have to wait until it turns January 1 in order to make changes in our life.

But this year is different.  I have been wanting to make changes and although the momentum began well before September 2007, I'll state them now.

1.  I want to learn to be good to myself. Period.  Meaning enough sleep, and eating regular appropriately portioned meals (instead of saying just this once) and no more (okay reduce) the number of days that I go to work when I am sick.  Decrease and hopefully eliminate the self deprecating thoughts.

2.  I want to incorporate some form of activity in my life again.  I've been thinking of ballroom dancing class...I promise though I did NOT watch "Dancing with the Stars," but who can keep from hearing about it?  For too long movement was associated with exercise (burning calories) and with having a history of overexercising I worried about overdoing it.  But now, I just want to move around for fun.  I don't care if I'm not the best in the class, or I trip over my step, I just want to reconnect with having fun and finding an activity that I enjoy.

3.  I want to be good to others.  I try to let people know that I am thankful for their good works and their efforts.  I also want to be a good friend to those that have supported me through the years.

4.  I need some time for my soul.  That may mean closing my eyes for a minute of relaxation or actually going to church!

5.  I am happy to say that I have already accomplished the following for the last 3 months:  Be on time for work!  While I am not on time for every single meeting, I am been on time (and early!) for each day, and I must say that it really lowers my stress (and makes it easier to find a parking space).

I should just stop here, and see how it goes for a while.  ]]> Slow and steady wins the race... tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2007-12-30:6efd381a-5a2d-422d-bee2-8b6cb8e64774 Leslie-M 2008-01-01T22:23:28Z 2007-12-30T10:48:00Z I was talking to someone about the process of treatment and remembering prior conversations about treatment and the process of my own recovery.

I hated the idea of going to residential.  I hated that the building was named "Eating Disorders Center."  I even stated to the staff that I in fact did not have an eating disorder, but rather an illness that had to be treated there.  Talk about denial!

Eating disorders don't just disappear.  I can't just click my heels and make all my self loathing thoughts go away, no matter how much I wish I could.

What I can do however is confront them head on.  Whenever I get an eating disordered thought (or an intense urge to binge), I ask myself:  "What is stressing me out?  Or what do I feel that I am missing out on?  What feeling am I not allowing myself to have?"  By this time, I usually have self analyzed myself to the point that the thoughts have usually dissipated.  I found over time I can use this tool to postpone any hasty actions. 

Unfortunately, this did not happen overnight.  I tried everything...calling people, eating in public, preportioned meals, keeping an arsenal of measuring cups, food scales and spoons, eating with friends and making meal plans.  I found that sometimes despite all the structure I set up in life, I would still have set backs.  Realizing that eventually I would be alone and experience hunger with no one in site to feed me but myself.

Scary thought.  I had essentially failed in taking care of my body and giving it proper nutrition for many years.  How could I be expected to suddenly do this on my own?  I thought back to childhood and remembered when I actually enjoyed eating.  When I looked forward to cereal during Saturday morning cartoons and Sunday dinners after church.  How was it so simple then?  Food and eating were not about making this statement about my body, or a reflective of "self control."

Food is energy, but food also carries memories.  Memories are laced with emotion.  I work to tone down the emotional attachments to food...but I know that in our society it will always be there...wedding cake, birthday cake, favorite meal, Halloween candy, thanksgiving turkey, Christmas ham, easter eggs and chocolate, fourth of july hot dogs and hamburgers, along with the requisite cook outs for Memorial and Labor Days.

Recovery is a day by day process.  Recovery means sticking to your planned food when your morning goes bad and your mind suddenly screams "I need french fries!"  Recovery means realizing that french fries will not erase the fact that someone was mean to you, or gave you a look, or erase the fact that you have a mountain of paperwork to get done.

I remember hearing the phrase that "Recovery is Discovery," and thought it was a bit trite.  But now I realize that it is true.  By challenging the eating disorder, I've learned so much about myself and my triggers.  Sometimes the only way to get out of something is to go through it.]]> What do you mean by recovered? tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2007-12-29:824bf036-275a-4fab-bc41-dd51b71dd881 Leslie-M 2007-12-30T11:00:18Z 2007-12-29T22:05:00Z I often hear the phrase..."What do you mean by recovered?"  when someone states their new found independence from an eating disorder. 

I find this quite skeptical and potentially demeaning.  There is a culture that exists which does not believe that one can recover from addictive illness.  There is always that lingering doubt that one may not truly be recovered when they state their freedom from alcohol or other substance abuse, gambling and other addictive behaviors.

I am not certain if this view is generated by worry that the person may relapse in the future, or from a disbelief in FULL RECOVERY.

Perhaps, it is also related to the stigma that people with mental health disorders have to face.  Because there is often no singular test, blood work or few objective measures of recovery.  Medical science has allowed us to determine by taking regular blood pressures that one does not have high blood pressure, or check glucose levels for diabetes, or take an x-ray to see that a bone has healed, but at this time we don't have such tests for mental disorders.

The definition of recovery is still undefined.  Unwritten.  There are many theories about what one should exhibit, but there are no definites or group consensus.  That often leaves sufferers to decide what they believe...full recovery or management of a chronic problem.

I see this as a lifestyle choice.  If one wants to live their life believing that they will always be prone to suffering from their illness it reduces HOPE. 

We know each year that we may be susceptible to getting the flu, and may have even had the flu in the past, but we get our flu shot and hope for the best.  Those people with preexisting problems that may make them more susceptible to the flu such as poor immunological status, lung disease, or have to have interaction with others with flu know that they must take extra care to prevent getting ill.  And yet, despite their best efforts, someone may still get the flu.  We don't blame them, we treat them.

While I apologize for drawing parallels to influenza, we could take some lessons:  
1.  Identify those at higher risk for eating disorders.
2.  Reduce the likelihood  of illness through regular checkups in the form of therapy, nutrition and psychiatrist visits.
3.  If illness does occur, treat promptly and compassionately.
4.  Maintenance and follow up.


After that, feel free to live your life!


Check out my recovery website at http://edrsweb.org
]]> Recovery in real life tag:blog.edrsweb.org,2007-12-28:ea5caddf-d7b8-43ac-b9f3-832f97e4764f Leslie-M 2007-12-30T11:01:30Z 2007-12-28T06:25:00Z I attempt to figure out everyday what a recovered person "looks like."  Is there a certain weight that one should maintain, should someone have conquered previous off limit foods, or perhaps most importantly, no longer have the mindset of an eating disordered person.

The more I talk to "recovered people," the more I see these traits.  What I can say that I have learned is that recovery is a process.  There doesn't appear to be a timeframe that we can put on it, and there are independent factors influencing one's recovery. 

Over time, I hope to chronicle my opinions on recovery, eating disorders and real life.  Join me.

I also invite you to check out my recovery website at  http://edrsweb.org]]>